Earth to earth….
As a child, I often felt a raw affinity for the earth and often considered it my first mother. I was often found sitting in the garden, dusty and muddy. I also put a small mark with wet earth (like people wear vibhuti/kumkum) on my forehead before I went to school to remind myself where I came from. I would take soft steps and often asked her(the earth) to forgive me for treading on her. I still do not know how I started believing in all this, it just happened. Like I said, it was raw. Innocent. I did not have a philosophy, I just did it.
Needless to say, I grew out of it. It was a phase in my life, albeit a very important one. When I look back, I realise how I had been right intuitively, with no prodding. I had felt this oneness with the Universe without even trying. I knew all the answers before I could even fathom what the questions were. Perhaps we come with all the answers and in trying to make the most complicated questions, we forget what the answers are.
Ashes to ashes…
That old self has been burnt, yet the ashes remain. That is what brings me hope. That, perhaps, from those ashes, a new fire would emerge. I would, once again, find the lost answers. Once more, my mother would embrace me. Yet, when I think of it, the old self has not died down completely. I still want to lead a simple life. I want to give away all my clothes and live like my own mother does, with just what was necessary. I do not like jewellery unless they remind me of the earth and the trees. I want to ask for so little materially, such that when I die, I just transition seamlessly into where I once belonged.
My ideas are often met with skepticism. Many wonder if I am a fake, jumping unto the bandwagon of “minimalism”. The others are convinced that am going to fail. All I want is that raw connection I once had. That wordless language where I was one with the trees around me. Where I felt that the sun and the moon would always follow me, to keep me safe.
Dust to dust…
Today, I rekindle my flame. To seek out once more, the simple joy of the earth.
To lead a life of my choice, where trees and mud rule and not gloss and silk sarees.
To reach that state of knowing all the answers.