I dream of death tonight…

Flashes of the past
Memories adhering to my soul
like dog hair on the carpet;
Tormented by visions
and unfinished dreams;
Fear that grips to the soul
Sanguine tears of salty hugs.
thoughts unleashed, leaping
across territory once carefully guarded.
I have lost control now.
They trample, they hurt, they injure.
Feelings that do not belong to me
are being forced upon my being
layered upon years of guilt and shame.
I throb for something deep within you
And I do not know what that it.
Your thoughts, your sadness
live within me now. And I am trapped
to death, in a bubble built on your regret.
I dream of death tonight,
To start living a life
That I can call my own.

For Lulu

Four legs and a tail;
Vixen eyes and ready for love;
Wrapped in my arms, you came home
into a family of four,
four paws multiplied by three.

We dreamed big, we drew up plans
you were the wicked bitch
that we wanted to raise, the ghastly hound
of our Baskervilles, the terror
of a calm neighbourhood.

We pleaded, cajoled, beat ourselves up
trying to teach you to stay away
And all the while you toiled away
just to snuggle up next to me
Or to rub a wet snout against my face.

Oh! how have blind I have been,
in wanting you to grow up too soon.
Blind to the child within and all too eager
to prove my point; Your tender feet
crushed in my adult wisdom.

You’re just a dog, yet I wonder
about the lesson I learnt;
children need love more than space-
and a family is born not from rules
but from togetherness and hugs.