Why do I write?

Last night, I sat up thinking for a long time. It had a lot to do with my life so far. Many mistakes, yes, many good things too. With the ticking minutes of the clock, my mind wandered to the one question that I always try to answer: Why do I write?[Very Sartre-ish, unfortunately for him!]

As a kid, I wrote of things that I imagined in my head. Poems, essays, mainly stories with a moral. I believed in justice. I wrote about girls who were careless and messy with their things and had to face punishment. In my mind, it was all valid. That I was messy and careless myself, it never struck me. Until somebody older (and wiser) told me “Cut out the holier-than-thou tone…you are not a saint!”. Jolt One.

I stopped writing stories for a while. I only wrote some nice essays and answers in English class. They won the occasional ‘Good’ or ‘Excellent’, but nothing too fancy. Thanks to my teacher, I was introduced to Keats. Thus began my next passion: poetry. I started to read poems, and attempted writing a few. I showed one of my poems to a friend who promptly remarked, “There is no rhyming in the poem!” Jolt Two.

I began to ‘uncategorize’ the things I wrote, telling people “Oh, it is not a poem or a story. Just a series of words that makes sense. To me.” It was funny to see their raised eyebrows. Not everything has to be ‘classified’, right?

I grew up some more, kept writing about whatever I could fancy. I stopped showing it to anyone, though. Keep away, friend or foe! What I write is just for me! For three and a half years, I kept writing, and not showing. My diaries kept growing fatter (I wanted to get fat at that point, so it was ironical). Until I discovered the art of blogging. I knew I would have to put my writing under public scrutiny, but I was fresh with thoughts like ‘One must be open to criticism’ and ‘There is no harm in trying’. I started blogging. I found out there was a breed of people who liked what I wrote. It was nice to know. Until one of my blogger friends remarked, “You don’t seem to do anything apart from reading and writing. I thought doing the same things makes people get better at them. Why is your writing still so bland?” Jolt Three.

Needless to say, I stopped writing for some more time. I tried to discover other things, like painting and singing. I realized I wanted to ‘write’ about those experiences, ultimately. How boring! And so it was, back to Square One.

Jolts one, two and three.

Some people never learn, do they?

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7 thoughts on “Why do I write?

  1. As for me, I have stopped listening to what others think, ages back. And I can always hear what others feel, and I know why they feel that way. So I justify it for them. If someone does not like my writing he can read something else. Simple as that.

    More often, I write only for myself. Not for approval or appreciation. When I was much younger I used to ask for appreciation. Eventually found out that lots of people don’t even understand what I’m writing about before making a comment.

    My writing is just a by-product. The process is more important to me and that is all mine with no intruders or trespassers. 🙂

  2. “You don’t seem to do anything apart from reading and writing. I thought doing the same things makes people get better at them. Why is your writing still so bland?”

    Somebody said that to you???? Must’ve had no taste!!!

  3. Rightly said, Phoenix. This post was written in one of my self-doubting moods..[what to do, I feel like writing about that too! :)]. I do not want appreciation, but I do get affected by criticism.
    Your comment reminded me of what I ought to do..Thanks..:)

  4. Before I forget, wonderful layout of your blog. Like it a lot.
    Problem #1: Never sit and think! thinking requires a linear body.

    Problem #2: Never ask “why do I write?” Its like asking “why do I burp?”

    Problem #3: Why is not being a saint a jolt to you? :-O

    Problem #4: Rhyming in poems? hahahahahaha 🙂 Poetry is not meant to rhyme. Poetry is basically prose broken across lines and words (read e.e.cummings)

    Problem #5: “I grew up some more” Really? 😮

    Problem #6: Once you have blogged, you can blame someone else for the criticism you get. “Damn! That pingu writes all these things in my blog and people come and ask me!” could be a nice way of reacting. Don’t expect to have many friends around after you resort to that, though!! 😉

    Problem #7: This list of problems should be Jolt 4!! 😀

    Why end a year on an odd number of jolts!? 🙂

  5. Whoa! Some list of problems there!
    Thanks for the comment about the layout. 🙂
    Solution # 1: Easily done! I thought thinking would make me seem a little more intellectual!
    Solution # 2: I guess answer #1 deals with it 😛
    Solution # 3: It was not being unsaintly that affected me, but the fact that I was discouraged from writing about things which did not have anything to do with me..
    Solution # 4: Mixed views on that one!
    Solution # 5: With respect to age, that is. In terms of everything else, I guess people know! 😀
    Solution # 6: Cute idea! I could feign MPD!
    Solution # 7: You bet it was!
    So there! We seem to have ended on en even number of jolts after all!
    Happy New Year!

    🙂

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